November 20, 2012
While I had not intended to write anything while on vacation (Gulf Shores.!!!), my thoughts will not allow me to do anything but write!
Today is one of many "firsts" for my family this year. This would've been my Dad's 72nd birthday, had he lived. He was the first person I thought of when I went to bed last night and the first one I thought of when I woke up this morning. Never a day goes by that I don't think about him, but the "special" days, my sensitivity to his death is just a little more enhanced. I think back of all the other birthdays that I would've called him and wished him "happy birthday" and he would've told me one of his corny jokes, jokes that only one of his own children would laugh at.
I called my mom earlier today and I could hear her tears fall over the phone. It is different for my mom. She took care of Dad most of this past year before he died, so her life has been turned totally upside down. She tries to keep busy, therefore, trying to block out all those emotions. My siblings are each dealing with it differently, too. One of my sisters took balloons and put them on his headstone. It may seem weird to some, but it is her way of coping. She was probably closer to Dad than any of us were.
Death is a permanent thing. There is absolutely nothing we can to do to bring our loved ones back to us. We learn to live with it, and, eventually, or so I'm told, it does get better, easier. I am not only thankful for the support of those closest to me, but for the Saviour I know who is continually helping me through this emotional roller coaster. I have a wonderful husband who has been totally supportive, albeit a little oblivious to my plight at times, simply because he has not yet had to deal with the death of a parent.
So, for the sake of a routine that I haven't quite gotten out of, here's to you, Dad! Happy birthday!!!