Tuesday, January 6, 2015

A Letter To The Young Man Who Will Be Courting My Daughter

Dear Young Man Who Will be Courting My Daughter:

There are just a couple of months left before Hannah turns 18-years-old.  For my children, this is a magical age when they can begin dating, or "courting," in our family. They are more mature to handle the responsibility of a relationship with someone whom they might build a future, and they can understand the importance of being in groups, as opposed to one-on-one encounters, where temptation is great. You must know this is important to any mother, but since we are speaking of my daughter, it is especially important to me.

I could write about all the reasons why I wanted her to wait until she was 18-years-old to court, but I'd rather focus on what I require out of you.  I don't write this to be mean, but to help you understand that her dad and I know what it is like to be together and to have every waking moment thinking thoughts of that special someone.

We live in a day when rebellion runs rampant in our young people and where disrespect for parents is common.  The media is constantly bombarding our young people with television shows and movies depicting parents as ignorant and without a clue, where the children seem to be the adults with knowledge and wisdom beyond their years.  This simply is not the case.  Our children need us to pray for them, guide them, and teach them. I have been praying for my children and their future spouses since before they were born.  I have taught them to pray, as well.  Hannah has been praying for you, too.

I realize that Hannah will make her own choices and fall in love without my consent, but I want her to realize that life is not a fairy tale and she cannot live on love alone.  I need you to realize this, too. But, in order to get our blessing, there are a few things I would ask of you.

First, you must be a Christian, living a Godly life, be committed to a spirt-filled, truth-filled church, and have obeyed Acts 2:38.  (This is a must...above anything else! )  Be in prayer about your relationship and get direction on where the Lord wants it to go.  Don't let your wants override God's wants for your life.

Be respectful to your parents, pastor, and to those in authority, as well as women.  Yes, I said it! A wife is your equal.  Therefore, if you are disrespecting women around you, you need to move on and find someone who is okay with being a doormat.  My daughter will not be that person.  Remember, God has a plan and call on her life, too.  Don't be foolish and think that you are the only one who has an anointing.  The Lord used women all the time in the Bible.  "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another." Romans 12:10.

Be motivated and a hard worker!  If you don't have a trade or profession and have no clue where you are headed, I can tell you...move on!  When my husband and I were newly married, my husband had one year left in college.  He was working part-time and weekends trying to provide.  He is still the hardest working man I know and makes sure his family is taken care of properly. "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."  I Timothy 5:8.  You may not have a family now, but you will have, so it's important to get a plan together.  Again, as with everything, pray, pray, and pray some more for direction and guidance.

Respect her dad and I.  If you treat us with disregard, as well as the guidelines we have placed on this courtship, you need to kindly say your good-byes now.  We are looking out for her, as well as you, and only want the best.  We are older, with more life experience. Don't question our authority in front of her.  If you have a concern about something, be an adult and talk with us.  It probably won't change our minds, but you can give it a try.

Always-always!-remember that she is one of our most prized possessions (we have two more who are equally prized!)  and we would do anything for her.  Our love for her knows no bounds.  If you hurt or abuse her in any way, physically or emotionally, we will not tolerate it.  We will not just turn a blind eye.  I would hope this would never be the case from a Christian man, but I am giving you fair warning.

Finally, let the Lord lead both of you.  Your callings will match if it is meant to be permanent.  Don't think of this as just "dating to be dating," or, in your case, "courting to be courting."  You both are trying to build a future.  You were not created to "test" out relationships.  A spirit-filled Christian will be lead by the Lord and know when something is right or not.  Pray and fast about every aspect of this relationship.  Get godly counsel, when needed, and be accountable.  Remember, you are an example to those around you.

Thank you for letting me share this with you. If God chooses, we will be handing her over to your care one of these days, so it is important for us that you are what the Lord wants for her and that she is what he wants for you.  We hope we have done a good job raising her and preparing her for this new season in her life, but we are not perfect, and we realize that neither are you. Mistakes will be made, but we are praying for both of you.

Sincerely,
Mother of the Girl You Will Be Courting

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